“Men without ties don’t dress for dinner
Do the Friday night frozen pizza thing
Don’t want no wife or no beginner
You’re the Friday night frozen pizza king”

-Paul Westerberg, “Man Without Ties”

By Brooke A. Brown

Last weekend, The Lovely Miss S was away on a shopping excursion – one she referred to as “Beauty Recon” – to the mega-malls of Columbus, Ohio. Armed with all the major fall fashion magazines (not to mention her mother and a roomy Toyota Highlander), she was well on her way to making new friends at the various cosmetic counters and clothing emporiums.

Her first call home came, by request, shortly after they arrived. Knowing that they had made it to Ohio’s largest city safe and sound provided much comfort to me, as did the cushy couch on which I was in full recline. With this knowledge, I could – and did – enjoy several hours of College Football Saturday.

The second call came after dinner… her dinner, that is. My stomach was still full from the salty snack sampler consumed during all the football festivities. My instincts, however, immediately kicked in and the question of ‘Where did you eat?’ was quickly presented. She replied, “The California Pizza Kitchen.”

Boy was I jealous. Sure, the California Pizza Kitchen is a chain, but a really good one with a wide variety of interesting, exotic pizzas, noodle dishes, soups and salads. Suddenly, those salty snacks weren’t feeling so filling. After discussing the success of her “recon,” and plans for the following day, I reciprocated her fond farewell and headed to Kroger on a mission of my own.

I had no game plan in mind, which is my typical shopping style. All I knew was that I wanted something different. So, I let fate – in the form of Kanawha City’s Kroger freezer section – decide what’s for dinner. And did fate ever deliver.

Did you know that you can buy frozen California Pizza Kitchen pizzas at Kroger? I sure didn’t. So, I made it a point to pause and give quick thanks to the pizza gods that had just smiled on me so radiantly. I then nabbed one of the 12 oz. Garlic Chicken pies, U-Scanned my purchase and made time on the quick drive home in order to get the oven properly preheated.

With the oven doing its thing, I unwrapped the pizza-cicle to find a pie with generous toppings of roasted garlic, onions, parsley, cheese and white-meat chicken. Since we really do eat with our eyes first, I arranged the toppings to a more attractive, less disheveled state. The dough was one of those self-rising varieties that regularly fools people on television into thinking it’s a restaurant-baked delivery instead of a frozen pizza.

The aroma brought forth from this West Coast concoction baking in my Mid-Atlantic oven increased my appetite tenfold. I could no longer concentrate on whichever football game was currently being played, and could really have cared less. Then finally, and with great clarity, the timer’s dinner bell called me to the kitchen to check the goings-on in the oven.

It was baked to perfection! (I had followed the instructions for the crispy crust option.) I sliced the small pizza into 4 triangles, threw 2 on a plate and grabbed a napkin before returning to the couch. It was absolutely divine. The roasted garlic perfumed every bite, and the chicken was surprisingly moist and tender. Instead of a traditional red tomato sauce, this pie had a rich, creamy white sauce that perfectly complemented all the aforementioned ingredients.

And the crust? Had I not purchased and baked it from a frozen state, I would’ve guessed incorrectly that it was restaurant-baked delivery as it was crispy on the outside and chewy on the inside. It was quite simply the best frozen pizza experience I’ve ever encountered. And, yes… I did end up eating those remaining two slices during the same sitting.

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