It’s kind of ironic that at the same time I was writing about the health benefits of having pets, my own pets were indirectly responsible for me becoming very ill.

When I took the pup to the vet to get fixed, they found a spot of mange on the tip of his ear, so rather than losing his manhood, he and Murry both ended up getting dipped. When I picked them up, they were both still dripping wet. My car got soaked. I got soaked. I’d been given no warnings about handling the dogs after the dipping, so I didn’t think twice about allowing them in my bed as usual, where one sleeps against me and the other one on me.

Because I’d so recently gone through the trouble with my eyes, when I started having trouble again, I figured the medicine wasn’t working. Then I got the worst migraine of my life. My equilibrium was shot. I was nauseated. Felt drugged. My doctor said she felt like she was missing something, but it never occurred to me to mention the dog dip. She referred me to a neurologist.

It wasn’t until we went to a different vet on Saturday that we figured out what was wrong. Fortunately, it’s not something that will cause permanent damage, but it is almost certainly what made me sick. Kind of strange being diagnosed by a vet, but also strangely appropriate, don’t you think?

I really like our new vet, Dr. Mankin in Winfield. I’m totally impressed — not just with him, but with everyone in his office. That’s an animal-loving bunch if ever there was one. It’s kind of a quirky office with their one-eyed thieving yellow cat, a three-legged pup, and a few somewhat surly cats from the Putnam shelter that are available for adoption there. It felt right.

I think I’ve discovered the secret to immortality.

Pet ownership.

According to an article on a UK Health & Fitness website, “Research has shown that lifestyle factors-such as living in the countryside, eating a healthy diet and owning a pet–can add as much as two decades to your life expectancy.”

Two decades.

So I’m thinking-if you can’t live in the countryside and don’t care much for eating healthy, all you have to do is have enough pets and you can skip the diet and location part completely. The average pet owner is believed to live anywhere from two to five years longer than non-pet owners, so depending on the accuracy of those findings, I’m going to be around an extra 10 to 25 years.

“I don’t think you can give any single reason why pet owners live longer,” wrote Bruce Headley, a researcher at the University of Melbourne, “but I think companionship has a lot to do with it.”

A US study on people who have survived a heart attack revealed that pet owners are up to four times more likely to survive one than non-pet owners.

Not only do pets lengthen lifespan, but they improve it as well. “Pets enhance social interactions between people, strengthening social networks and elevating psychological and physical well-being,” said an article from WebMD.

During one experiment, a woman took her dog with her as she went about her daily routines for five days, then did the same routine for five days without the dog. With the dog, she had 156 interactions with people. Without the dog, just 50. So the dog not only provides its own companionship, but also makes it more likely for the owner to have the companionship of other people.

Studies have also found that stroking a dog or cat actually lowers blood pressure, and people with pets tend to have lower levels of triglycerides and cholesterol than non-pet owners. While the lower cholesterol/triglycerides part might be due to the animal conning the owner out of much of their food, it’s likely also that “having a pet stimulates exercise, activity and play,” wrote Alan M. Beck, author of Between Pets and People. “People who engage in regular exercise tend to live longer than those who do not.”

“Just being around dogs boosts levels of serotonin-the brain chemical responsible for lifting mood,” according to research from the University of Missouri-Columbia.

I know that some of the most peaceful times in my life are when I’m with my animals. As I write this, the pup is curled in a ball on the ratty LazyBoy chair in my little home office, and Murry is curled in a ball on his ratty once-white pillow by my feet. Two of my three cats have popped in just long enough to say hi. Just long enough to make me feel cared about.

Usually, the first thing I do when I get home from work is spend some time with my crew. Celeste and Geoff first, then generally by rank of seniority after that. For a long time, I didn’t recognize what I was doing when I would seek out one of my animals for a little one-on-one time. There’s something about stroking their fur, watching their eyes glaze over from an especially good belly-scratching, that can take me from feeling balled up inside down to feeling even again.

What prompted me to research the health benefits of having pets was the reaction of an acquaintance, upon hearing of the number of pets in our house. “I don’t know how you stand it,” she said, looking repulsed. “Animals are so dirty.”

Her reaction surprised me. Although I know animals are dirty and often require a great deal of work, I believe the inconvenience of having to clean up after them is immensely more desirable than the alternative. Which is more important-a clean house, or one that comes with its own cheering section? A spotless carpet, or one decorated with cat hair, rawhide bones and squeaker-less toys? A showcase to impress company, or a place where my favorite company is already there?

For me, the choice wasn’t hard.

And unlike that pet-free acquaintance, my animals are making it likely I’ll be around for many more years to enjoy all their dirt.

This past Saturday night, Geoff and I took Celeste and our neighbor, Jordan Holmes, (remember that name - he’ll be famous someday) to see The No Pants Players improve group on stage at the Labelle Theater in South Charleston. Celeste and Jordan both became huge fans of Joe Wallace after meeting him last summer at Charleston Stage Company’s Summer Arts Camp, where he was one of the counselors. As soon as they saw that he’d be performing, they couldn’t wait to go, even though it meant missing the Kids Choice Awards on Nickelodeon. (I hope Joe recognizes just how big a compliment that is.)

What a show it was! I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. It was totally family-friendly, and the group pulled kids (and a few adults) from the audience to use in their act. These guys (and one girl) are so talented. I can’t imagine being able to make something up on the spot the way they do.

Admission was only $5 and the theater was very nice, although they didn’t have the air on so by the second hour, it was becoming a bit uncomfortable.

I don’t know how often they put on a show, but we intend to become regulars there.