Feedback
I didn’t expect Sunday’s column (about the policy of giving awards to all children, regardless of whether they earned one) to generate much feedback, but my inbox was surprisingly full. Below is a sampling of some of the emails. (Some replies have been edited for length.)
It’s nice to know there are so many others who feel the same way! Thank you for writing!
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Bravo! (or Brava!) on the messages children are getting today when they receive some award that’s really not warranted. I’m an art teacher in an elementary setting. From Kindergarten to 5th grade, the kids are always exclaiming, “That’s not fair!” about everything. I would have your father-in-laws’ words painted on my classroom wall. One of the side effects from this “giving everyone something” theory is the children EXPECT something special for simply existing. I have students say, “Hey, we were good in your room today” or “I cleaned up my mess, do I get a treat?” My response is “You did what you were expected to do, so NO. I didn’t maim any of you today. Do I get more on my paycheck?” I tell them their treat is knowing that they can behave like human beings and live with themselves as well as others. I can count on a few parents to inquire as to why their child did not get to participate in a special project. It’s usually due to lack of responsibility with materials or behavior that requires an extra person in the room just to simply keep an eye on their child for inappropriate behavior. I even offer the invitation for the parent to be there with their child that day in order to participate. Has that ever happened? No. We’re raising kids to have lame excuses for no consequences and no expectations to live up to their potential. That’s evident in our society regarding the legal system, work ethics, etc. Now, we have parents crying “it’s not fair” that they have to be involved with their kids education and child-rearing. Ugh. ~CC
As I watched parents bring their kids to school, I thought, “No wonder we’re raising children that don’t know how to function.” They drive them to school, they carry their backpack, they walk them to class. Being a parent is without a doubt the toughest job a person will ever undertake, but many take it so lightly. We see those little babies and allow our hearts to overrule our heads. ~DH
I enjoyed your column. The trend not to make children work to achieve to the best of their ability cheats them in preparing for the skills they will need to succeed when they have to make career choices. The theory to make everyone feel good lowers the standard to encourage mediocrity and indifference in all phases of life. ~CT
Right on!!! My wife Peggy and I very much appreciated your excellent viewpoint. You have touched on something that has reached new heights with families, organizations and those that envy America. This would be an excellent study for someone or maybe even a book. This goes along with the ‘there is more where that came from’ throw-away and the ‘you owe me’ society. My parents were very good to me as a kid growing up in the Kanawha Valley during the 30’s, 40′ and 50’s. We were taught by example to earn our way in school, at home and in life. Thanks again for your stepping forward. ~KL
This was not your funniest column, nor the saddest one, but it has to be one of the BEST ones! Everything you say is so true and needs to be shouted in schools and on sports fields. If I still attended PTA meeings, this column would be handed out at every September meeting, but, praise the Lord, I graduated from those over 25 years ago. Keep up the good work. ~JP
I read and agreed with your column. One of my pet peeves is the birthday party treat bag where the guests get more stuff to take home than the gift they brought to the party! They lose the spirit of giving in lieu of seeing how much stuff is for them in the treat bag. I’m in favor of just celebrating someone else on their birthday with nothing in return except the party (heaven forbid!!). And if it’s your child’s birthday on top of all the planning and expense of a party, you have to be sure the treat bags meet the “standard.” ~CMM
(NOTE - this is another column I’d like to write someday. I refuse to do goody bags at my daughter’s birthday parties and wish more parents would do the same. The last thing we need in our house is any more stuff, and for kids to think they’re going to get something just for coming seems wrong. The party for their FRIEND should be enticement enough.)
August 7th, 2006 at 4:26 pm
Treat bags aren’t enticement to have guests at your party. They are fun to make for some moms and kids and a nice touch if they are offered. They are never necessary or expected, at least not in these parts. Can’t anything these days just be a nice gesture, and nothing else? I have never considered treat bags, whether we gave them or received them, as a form of bribery for attending a party. Also, treat bags can be done on the cheap, without being just a bunch of useless junk. The point is that treat bags are one of those “you love it or leave it” ideas, not to be taken so seriously by the parents.
I do realize there are some moms and dads who love to overdo. There are also those who may feel obligated to provide treat bags because other people do so. Like I said above, it’s not to be taken so seriously. The parents who overdo aren’t “bad” for indulging and I don’t question it. We’re always appreciative for any special treat but we never expect it. Raising your kids to be this way is really the key.
Finally, in many years of attending and throwing birthday parties, I can’t recall a time I heard any child ask about a goody bag, or some form of a treat just for being there. Never. In fact, the only time I’ve ever heard anyone complain about a goody bag is when the person doing the complaining was an adult. This tells me it really is a parent hang-up and not so important to the children. I believe children attend parties because they care about their friends, and they like to have a good time, period.
August 8th, 2006 at 5:57 am
I’ve been to parties where the first thing a few of the kids did was ask for the goodie bag, and one where some moms were complaining about how cheap the things in the goodie bags were. It seems like it’s becoming something that’s expected (another entitlement) rather than a nice bonus.
August 8th, 2006 at 6:41 am
I agree, Karin. Once, when entering a party behind a group of 7 year olds, I heard them talking amongst themselves about the goody bags and how they hoped that certain items weren’t included because “everybody gives that junk!”
Whatever happened to cake and ice cream at the birthday child’s home, accompanied by a game of Drop the Clothespins and Pin the Tail on the Donkey? Now it has to be private rentals of the movie theate or skating rink, or something else equally as ‘in’. I admit that I’ve done that sort of party for my kids, but this year we’ve simplified. It is just getting too far out of hand.
August 8th, 2006 at 9:48 am
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I respect that. I do feel, however, that when one expresses his or her opinion in a forum such as this, they should have the backbone to identify themselves, rather than to do so anonymously. I especially feel that this should be the case when one takes exception to the point in question. If you can’t take the heat…
August 22nd, 2006 at 2:55 pm
I think the point to be taken is, it isn’t the children attending the party’s birthdays….they shouldn’t expect anything for themselves. And children who have siblings and whose parents give gifts to said siblings when it isn’t their birthday just so they don’t feel left out…..doesn’t teach one how to share, celebrate for someone else or how to be unselfish.
And I agree with MaicoMike, if you want to post a blog or make a comment, you should be bold enough to leave a name.
August 22nd, 2006 at 2:59 pm
I think the point to be taken is, it isn’t the children attending the party’s birthdays….they shouldn’t expect anything for themselves. And children who have siblings and whose parents give gifts to said siblings when it isn’t their birthday just so they don’t feel left out…..doesn’t teach one how to share, celebrate for someone else or how to be unselfish.
And I agree with MaicoMike, if you want to post a blog or make a comment, you should be bold enough not to do so anonymously.