Eating should be its own reward
I wondered if it would happen someday–if a man would be inspired to write a song about my daughter. I just never imagined it would happen so soon. Or that the man penning the song would be her stepfather. Or that the song would be sung to the tune of Hall & Oates 1980s hit, “Man Eater.”
She’ll only eat what is ‘right.’
The insanely picky type.
Nothing to do, but get cereal and po-or-or.
Woe-oh, here she comes.
Watch out, Mom, she’ll spit it out.
Woe-oh, here she comes.
She’s a bad eater.”
My husband’s frustration with Miss Picky’s rapidly changing list of likes and dislikes prompted Geoff to tape a sheet of paper to our refrigerator so he can better keep track of what she will and won’t eat.
She’s not only a fussy eater, but a slow one as well. If left to her own devices, she’d still be playing with her food as it went through the various stages and colors of decomposition. Still, she’s not bad with fruit, she’s faithful with her vitamins, and she consumes so much milk she could use her own herd. But the picky-ness is so maddening there are few asylums we haven’t explored.
In one recent article I read, Julie Lumeng, M.D., a developmental and behavioral pediatrician with the University of Michigan Health System wrote, “The more exposure a child has to a certain food, the more familiar it becomes to them, and the more they grow to like it. It typically takes about 10 exposures to a particular [food] item over several meals before a child will like the new food.”
Since the only green vegetables on Celeste’s “approved” list were dill pickles, we chose green beans for our experiment. Every day for a week, green beans were put on her plate, and just like the good doctor predicted, Celeste soon started to like them. She liked how she could stack them, Lincoln Log style, into little square cabins.
Years back, I tried awarding happy face stickers for trying new foods or eating healthy. That program evolved to awarding stickers that could later be traded for prizes. Which eventually evolved to flat-out offers of cash. Which, according to experts, is just about the worst thing you can do.
“Studies have shown that rewarding your child for eating a particular food will actually lead to a greater dislike of that food over time,” says Lumeng.
(Thus far, Celeste continues to find new and creative uses for beans, none involving digestion.)
Suggests the wise (and obviously childless) doctor, “A more positive use of food as an incentive would be rewarding them with healthier snacks like crackers-not desserts-for cleaning their room. Children learn to like the foods they receive in this way as a reward.”
I’m not a doctor or anything, but if you tried this with most children, wouldn’t they simply learn not to clean their rooms?
You put you socks in the hamper? Good girl! Here. Have a carrot.
In a nutshell, Celeste just doesn’t like food, which is hard for me to fathom. Food and I have had a passionate, albeit tumultuous, relationship for a great many years.
Fortunately, we’ve come up with a plan that seems to be working. I’m going to share it with you now. You ready? Here it is. Do nothing. We continue buying the few healthy foods she does eat, but no more prodding her to try new things, no more saying “just one bite.” We’ve removed all the pressure and conflict from meals.
We’ve read that children shouldn’t be forced to eat anything they’re uncomfortable with; that parents should be patient and let their children discover new foods for themselves. So instead of trying to force her, we’ve been educating her about the connections between diet and diabetes. None of the information is couched as a threat, just simple cause and effect. Poor diet leads to poor health, maybe not right away, but sooner than you’d expect.
It’s beginning to pay off. The other day, out of habit, I put a box of Little Debbie’s Brownies in our shopping cart.
Celeste took them back out. “Let’s get pears instead.”
January 20th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
Take comfort that it’s not just you. My son is also picky. When he was smaller, he wouldn’t eat anything brown. He does eat brown things now (i.e. chicken nuggets - LOL), but it’s always something with him. We call him my mom and my mother-in-law’s revenge, as my husband and I were both picky eaters too.
I’m lucky that he does enjoy veggies - but he won’t eat a green bean either!
January 22nd, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Just be careful not to “scare” her into new food habits. I agree it’s never to soon to educate on the connection of healthy eating, healthy body and the risks of overeating unhealthy things. I’d also encourage her to enjoy the not-so-healthy things she truly likes, in moderation. Perhaps even prepare those foods in a better way. I do agree that educating your daughter on food dangers is a good thing. I’d just also encourage her to get the brownies for now and then, AND the pears for everyda
January 25th, 2007 at 1:03 am
To Rosemary: A friend once told me about a kid he grew up with who apparently LIKED brown food. One of his favorites was pinto beans over chocolate cake! To each his own, but–YUCK!!!!
January 28th, 2007 at 10:20 am
Someone suggested we not let her drink any milk for a week or two to see if her appetite improves. We’ve tried that before for just a day or two, but never a long stretch, so I’m thinking of giving that a try.
January 29th, 2007 at 8:13 am
My old pediatrician (Dr. Shawkey, God rest his soul…I loved that man!) always said “When they’re hungry, they’ll eat. Don’t worry so much.” I am happy to say that my two older kids (ages 22 and 20) survived their somewhat picky eating habits to become happy, healthy adults who now eat many things they wouldn’t have even considered as children.
My 9 year old spent most of her time as a toddler living off of pastas, eggs and wieners. ICK! She is now an eating machine, even though she still won’t touch most green things. Oh well. Time will ‘fix’ her, too, I’m sure.
I won’t even start on my 4 year old. Between texture issues, a serious gag reflex and food allergies…well, let’s just say we’re lucky he eats at all.