According to careerbuilder.com, 29 percent of workers say “they have either initiated or been on the receiving end of an April Fool’s Day prank at work.” (More than 6,800 workers participated in the survey.)

 It’s not as much fun when April Fool’s Day falls on a Sunday. My daughter, like most kids, goes totally overboard with the pranks. It usually starts early with me doing something rotten to her, then she spends the rest of the day attempting revenge. Sure, I could avoid getting one over on her, but what fun is that? Plus she’s now at the age (9 2/3) that she’s starting to come up with some good ones.

 Below are CareerBuilder.com’s top ten most memorable capers from the survey.

1. Sent a letter signed by the president of the company that informed employees they would have to take potty breaks in alphabetical order.
2. Decreased the size of boss’s lab coat. Joke continued after April 1 with boss perplexed by his coats getting tighter each week while he was dieting so diligently.
3. Made for a very foggy day with dry ice in the urinal.
4. Changed all of boss’s reading glasses to clear glass.
5. Sent a note to co-worker’s pager that said to contact “George.” The number was to the White House.
6. Employee went to the restroom and when he came out, he ran into a wall of tape draped across the doorway, courtesy of his team. (I like this one.)
7. Put “random burping” program on boss’s computer that would loudly burp every few seconds - it went on for days.
8. Brought in jelly doughnuts filled with ketchup. (Might try this on Celeste.)
9. Had someone with a “questionable” profession call the office and ask for directions.
10. CEO placed a very large and official-looking “For Sale” sign in front of the building.

One of the duties I used to have at the paper was transcribing Readers’ Voice. I reluctantly passed that buck a few years back. Even though it was time-consuming, it was always so entertaining.

I’m not sure if it’s me who that’s changed or the people calling in, but the comments on there now are so aggravating that I’m grateful I no longer have to listen to them for about an hour a day. For example:

“If I get hurt by one of these kids wearing Heelys, I will not only sue their parents, but I will also sue the store and the mall where it happened.”

What a sad, bitter, resentful person. I wonder how they managed to reach adulthood without ever being a kid?

“The next time the police want to do a recorded call campaign to look for somebody, they should do it at a reasonable hour. When the phone rings at 5 or 6 am, you wonder who died in your family.”

Child abductors don’t always work the 9 to 5 shift. How anyone could be resentful of a phone call that could help save a child’s life is beyond me.

I wish along with Readers’ Voice we also ran a pat-on-the-back line, although I suppose we’d have to come up with a catchier name. Or maybe we should change the name of Readers’ Voice to the Whine Line.

From today’s news . . .

N.Y. MAN MAKES DEAL IN GOAT PAINTING INCIDENT

The Associated Press 

MAHOPAC, N.Y. – Criminal charges have been dropped against a man accused of breaking into a barn, spray-painting three pet goats and scattering pages of pornographic magazines on the floor. 

Drew Gagnon, 37, was charged with burglary and animal cruelty after the November incident. Douglas Bisio, 34, who police said drove Gagnon to the barn, was charged with criminal facilitation.  

Gagnon and Bisio agreed Monday to give $1,000 apiece to the Putnam Human Society in exchange for the charges being dropped, said Lisa Laquidara, the clerk at Carmel Town Court.

The donation to the Humane Society is nice and all, but I’d much rather hear how exactly a person comes to be spray painting goats and exposing them to pornography.  

I keep imagining the accomplice, Bisio, trying to explain his criminal record for having facilitated goat painting. For some reason, facilitating something like that sounds even worse than actually doing it.

Often in law suits where the victim’s family is going up against someone with loads of money, there are claims that it isn’t about the money. And then they settle. If it wasn’t about the money, why settle? I don’t understand.

When I read the Gazette article about the Jack Whittaker/James Tribble case being settled, Tribble was quoted afterward as saying, “Let’s give Jack Whittaker some credit. He tried to raise his granddaughter.”

No, let’s NOT give him credit. Whittaker was aware his granddaughter had trouble with drugs, yet he continued giving her money and allowing her to be unsupervised. That’s not behavior deserving of credit. If a person isn’t capable of raising a child, they should turn the child over to someone who is.

“Tell me something good,” I said to my friend, Ric Cochran, afternoon radio personality on V100. The many delays involved with our home purchase had me down in the dumps, and I needed something positive to get me over the hump.

Ric didn’t even pause a half-second before responding. “I have something that’s beyond good,” he said. “Something absolutely amazing happened to me.”

Ric then proceeded to explain how he’d been talking to his friend, Pastor Dennis Johnson of the Baptist Temple, about his long-time dream of someday traveling to Ireland. Pastor Johnson caught Ric’s enthusiasm for Ireland and decided it would be the ideal destination for a group trip, so not long after their talk, the pastor began arranging the excursion.

Pastor Johnson updated Ric as the trip began to come together, but Ric said once he heard the price, he knew there was no way he could go. As the slots for the trip began to fill up, the pastor approached Ric to ask if he should still hold him a spot. Even knowing he couldn’t afford it, Ric said he still found it hard to say, “You don’t need to save me a seat.”

After he did, the pastor excused himself for a few minutes. When he returned, he told Ric, “You’re going. It’s been taken care of.”

It turns out that two members of the church had unexpectedly come into money and have been having a good time doing special things like this. 

“They heard how much this trip would mean to me and they wanted me to have it. They’re sharing their windfall with others. Not just me, but with many people. That’s what grace is about.” 

Ric said he went to Hallmark and stood for ages looking at cards, but none seemed good enough. 

“How do you thank someone adequately for something like that?” asked Ric.

I knew just what he meant. A few months ago, I wrote about my blind friend, Becky Conrad, who was diagnosed in January with lymphatic cancer of the brain. In the article, I mentioned that I was trying to get Becky a laptop computer so she could write and access email during her many extended hospital stays for chemotherapy.

I didn’t expect it would be difficult to find a company willing to donate a computer, but after dozens of calls, I had nothing. I approached the newspaper’s computer staff hoping one of them might have an idea or some connection. One—Jenny Lilly—called and told me she thought she might have something. A few days later, she called me back to her office. There sat a brand new laptop computer, complete with wireless Internet and a fancy carrying case. Every bell and whistle Becky could ever imagine.

When I asked where it came from, Jenny admitted that she and her friend Lou Ann Johnson had pooled their own money to buy it.

For a woman they’ve never met.

“It felt nice to be able to do something like that for someone.” Jenny said casually. “We’re just paying it forward,”

Every time I see Jenny at work, I’m reminded of her and her friend’s generosity and feel overwhelmed by it all over again, and Becky has told me she feels the gratitude she’s expressed to them could never come close to how she truly feels.  

So, like Ric asked, how do you adequately say thank you for something like that? 

I think the only way is by paying it forward. By doing something for someone else to honor the people who helped you. 

I’ve read that every act of kindness should create a ripple with no end. And that’s something that Ric, Becky, and I all hope we can do. 

Last week I received an emailed press release from the Canine Art Guild about their internet art exhibition taking place now through the end of May at www.canineartguilde.com. The exhibition features the dog-inspired artwork of more than two dozen artists of all mediums. Since I’m a sucker for anything dog-related, I went straight to the sight.

The project that most intrigued me was a project by pet portrait artist Kimberly Kelly Santini, who is painting one dog every workday and posting it on her blog. Intrigued, I scrolled through months of Santini’s blog to look at her work. She’s fantastic. She does such a good job of capturing the dog’s personalities. Well, I don’t actually know the dogs in her paintings, but I felt like I did.

Santini accepts emailed photos of dogs for her Dog-A-Day project. If you like what she’s painted, you can buy the painting for $50-$80, which I think is extremely reasonable, especially since if you like what she’s painted, you’re under no obligation to buy it. I immediately sent in Murry’s picture. He has such a great face, and man, did she nail him, especially around his mouth. (It’s kind of hard to know if she got his eyes just right since there’s always hair over them.) I couldn’t be happier with what she’s done, so with her ok, I’m posting the picture here.

I think this would be such a nice gift idea. (If I’m on anyone’s gift list, remember that I still have one other dog and three cats.)

“The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.”

If you have a few minutes to kill, go to despair.com and read their demotivational posters. They’re great!

This is the kind of thing that drives me nuts. From today’s Gazette Readers’ forum:

Autism story used offensive term 

In response to the article about Marshall University’s providing help for people with autism, the fact that you referred to these people as “autistics” is offensive and ignorant. They are people who happen to have autism. This term was used throughout the article. It is sad that in today’s society of political correctness this dehumanizing term made it past editors and everyone else as an acceptable headline.   ~ Brittany Schroeder

When exactly were we granted the right to never be offended? Criminy, people. Grow a thicker skin.

A week or two ago, I got an email from an editor whose company bought one of my stories about my dog Murry for a collection of dog stories they’re publishing later this  year. The only problem is that in the story, I refer to Murry as a blonde (he IS blonde), and the story is titled “Beyond Blonde.” The editor’s boss decided the references to blondes might be offensive, so anywhere “blonde” was mentioned, it was changed.

*sigh*

Are some people really that delicate?

“If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.”

Common sense says spring is the best time for those wanting to sell their home. Yards look their best. Flowers are in bloom. The school year is winding down.  

But ha! Who needs common sense? Not the Fullers.  

Fullers list their house at Christmas. Fullers laugh in the face of common sense.  

And common sense laughs back.   (more…)