I was hustling my way back to Charleston last night when the semi blew past on my left. Alongside the trailer, a beautiful woman gazed out seductively from an advertisement for something called Anastasia International. The exact words out of my mouth were: “What the hell?” For a second, I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I figured, “Mail-order brides? In this day and age, really?”Sort of but not exactly. I looked it up, which is exactly what I was supposed to do. Credit where credit is due. It was pretty smart marketing: pretty girl on the side of a truck, big goofy name that’s easy to search.

Word to the wise… Do not search by image. It’s like asking to get fired or beaten down by your wife, girlfriend or mother.

So, what Anastasia does is put together “tours” of Russian cities. You give them a bunch of money, they fly you over with a bunch of other hopeless romantics where you’re sent on the Russian equivalent of a Speed date. Basically, you’re placed in a room where the girl-to-guy ratio is 10 or 20 to 1. Interpreters are provided, as well as some booze. The booze, you probably need, but if you’re going to Russia to find a girlfriend, odds are, the interpreter isn’t going to be of much help.

It may sound like I’m a little against the whole thing, but not really. The world isn’t a very fair place. It’s hard to meet anyone and going to Russia to meet women sounds no more complicated, humiliating or degrading than letting your co-workers or relatives set you up with someone. Sure, it costs a lot more — which is unfair to the poor guys — ut if you’ve got the cash, you might as well spend it on something besides another car.

At the very least, if you did meet someone you liked and who liked you, the language barrier could be advantageous. It would force you to learn to communicate, which is important in any relationship… It would also allow you to ignore each other occasionally, which if not exactly healthy, is necessary some of the time.

It’s not all hearts and flowers. The Workers’ Paradise has never been much of a vacation spot. Unemployment is high. The former Soviet Union still has lingering political issues, rampant crime and a pretty bleak outlook. The women who would make themselves available as potential brides are quite brazenly marketing their assets for the hopes of a better life. They’re not in this, at least entirely, because they’re looking for the love of their lives. That would naturally make them a little more opportunistic and less stable as a potential wife…

On the other hand, divorce is rampant on this end of the world. A lot of marriages last less than a decade, so who cares?

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